Happy...?...New Year...

3/1 -08...3:36AM...Thursday Morning...

She's not in a relationship anymore...what can I make out of it...? Does it mean she's available...? Does it mean I can make a move on her...again...? No...it still means we're just friends...cuz, that's what we "agreed" on...but, do I still want her...Yeah, you bet...cuz, she's still, what I would call, the perfect match...we're different, yet, we're alike...I cannot and won't find anybody that close to my "ideal girlfriend material"...there's no chance...

But, damn do I wanna make out with her...somedays are just...geeez...climbing the walls...I just wanna have one of those conversations that we occasionally have, very open, no secrets, and just let go...I mean...the way she opens up for me sometimes, are just moments away from a true make-out session...but, it stops right before...and, at the same times, the looks in her eyes tells me something else, even though she told me something else...I think that she might feel she's tied to something she wasn't expecting to happen...

I have told her that she doesn't have to be afraid in my company...cuz, I will (I AM) respect(ing) her and her feelings towards me...but, it's difficult to just sit there sometimes...and look at her...man...you just get lost in those eyes...

I feel good about the fact that she knows that I love her, care about her and that she can talk to me about whatever she wants to, and, that whatever she says, will stay with me...and, I'm pretty sure that she knows that that "This guy is totally into me, but, he still gives me enough space to breathe and that makes him a great friend"...but, this friend wants so much more...hmmm...

I might come across somebody who has the perfect looks and so...but, she's into some really weird shit like R'n'B and Disco and stuff...or...I could find my ultimate Indie-chick, but then, instead, she's butt-ugly or, she's just too damn Indie for me...I dunno...have to figure this one out...

One things for sure...I'm gonna buy an guitar...electric one...after I get my paycheck (after Jan. 15:th)...Cort EVLK4...cheap, but looks good and I know how to make noize out of a guitar with those gadgets...Floyd Rose...I'm gonna take off the tremolo-bar, unscrew and take off the string-holders at the neck, take off the screws of the Floyd Rose "stable?"...play it clean...so that I can tune the guitar quickly if it needs down-tuning for the next song or so...

I have an puke-green Tokai Custom Edition (Green Manalishi, the given name)...but, it's back in the states...I hope to get it back this summer though...It's a sucky guitar, but I know how to make noize out of it, so...

Anyways...

Earlier today I spoke to one of my great ol' friends (from '82 an onward) lil brother...I have been chasing e-mail addys and contact info for the "some" last 2 years...and, I finally found an e-mail addy that actually lead somewhere...and, that was like 24 hours ago...and, now I know that "he's alive" and doing well...

Man, it's ages ago since I saw him...Summer of 1994...some 13+ years ago...and, we have like a bunch of shit to go through...he has 3 kids already...shit, I tell ya...he's been busy...heh...
Yeah, I need to get over there and meet him and so on...catch up on shit and stuff...after all, we've been friends for quite a while...and, we've done some weird ass shit back when we were younger...daymn...

I could go on...but...yeah...the new year is on already...2008...and, man, I'm gonna get myself in shape (mentally) and this is the year when I finally gonna make some changes to get things going again...that rockband is gonna happen...that girlfriend thingy is gonna happen...everything that I'm aspiring for, is gonna happen...I tell ya...

Word...

Laters...