Alone with Friends

0:22AM...Thursday morning...

Hmmm...I had a lil down some moments ago (actually still have)...I dunno how long I can handle being alone anymore...I need to redirect my energy towards something that isn't there yet...the energy is lingering around me right now, I'm suffocating and can't beat the demons out of my head...not until I can focus on something else...re-gain some power from a positive source, somebody who's ready to devote a part of her life to me...I need positive energy...soon...

Friends are OK...but, it isn't enough, not for me...not right now...I figured that part out just a few hours ago...being there with people you call friends, but, I just felt so alone, so empty, so nothing...nothing at all...I friggin suffered those few hours...I went to my own world...just faded out...no focus...alone...just so the time would pass faster...

I could've left any moment...I thought about it, to just leave...like that...but, that's like bailing out...not fighting against your problems...so, I stayed...and suffered...a few laughs...but, no...they felt so made-up...so, "I guess I have to show some emotions so that they think I'm listening"...I wasn't...I was in my own world...blurry...unfocused...I traveled away...just so that I could survive that last hour...

Man, it's fucked up...

Then again...when people start talking about things I don't have any connection with, that's what I do...go somewhere else...maybe I'll leave for real next time...we'll see...

Hmmm...I dunno...

Laters...