Dead Rockstars sings Happy Songs...Not...

8:46PM Sunday evening...

One more night to go of my 6 night stint at work...and my back and especially my shoulders are in pain...I wouldn't say no to an hardcore backrub at this point...
The monotony kills me...same thing over and over again...no nothing new at all...boredom takes over...you do all the things you have to accomplish at work, in your sleep...like an walking zombie...you are there, but then again, you're somewhere else at the same time...

Heatmiser playing on the comp now...I've had my first real overdose of Elliott Smith related stuff in the last days...and, it doesn't look to fade away any time soon...yet...that is...cuz, suddenly I can find something totally different that I'm into for a few days before the next music discover...and so on...but, for now it's Elliott who holds the number one spot...for the time being that is...cuz, just a few weeks ago, I was hardcore into The Cure...like, OVERDOSE-mood...

...and I still have CD's to go through that I bought earlier this week...sometimes they just lay there...for weeks...even months, before I finally go through them...and, I tend to buy CD's even though I have a bunch to go through that are just laying there...collecting dust...but, I've been good the last days and went through a bunch and now I got some kind of control over the situation again...

Well, since the work has been taking over my life for the past few days, my mood has not been improving a lot...the wait between waking up and going to work is boring and that tears up my mind in bits and pieces as well...I just need something that can get my spirits back up again...cuz, they are kinda "all time low" right now...nothing seems to be fun or anything at all...I feel dead inside...like someone pulled out something inside of me...just that emptiness that I can't fill with anything at this point...whatever it might be that I try to fill it with...
It's just...empty...lonely...hollow...nothing...nothing at all...

Listening to dead rockstars might not be improving the situation at all...since most of the lyrics they sang, when alive, were about misery and loneliness and emptiness...not that uplifting messages really...but, I just don't feel like listening to "happy cheer up" music right now...well, not anything like "come on boys and girls, and lets party"-music...that would put me further down the downward spiral I'm on right now...

Man, I try to hang on...but it's hard...I've been doing this for so long now...like, fuck, give me a break already...shit...isn't enough enough, no...? I guess not...

I guess I'm gonna cut it right here before I dig myself further down somewhere I don't wanna be at the moment...

Laters...